Dairy

Mood suck
Today is family gathering day at paramount hotel having our Hi-tea. Everyone is so happy chit chating and eat!!! After eating as usual they like to start their interview LOLs. First they interview me. How's is my work? When you going to quit? How the court case? When are going to study? Haiz same old thing but is show a concern. Times pass realli very fast, until today i notice that life is different from now. Mama gone le make me change everything, change into a person that need someone to rely on. I hard earn money spend like tap is becoz i wanted to search the meant of life. Life is what? Do i still alive? Everyday, every hrs, min, sec i trying to do something that attract attention, purposely do wrong thing, make people angry, find someone to chit chat. But i still don't know am i still living in this world. I start to eat, drink and smoke. Wonder is this my life? Not sure.... It's just like my father, without personal discinpline all i know is, i still searching for my life. No people understand how i feel, i make happy but i crying inside my heart. I just need someone who concern about me but i did not feel it. My relative shown concern but the feeling is not right. Is somehow a propose of doing it!!!
My elder brother, from young we had nothing to chat about only know how to quarrel. So times past 1 years everyone is scolding and nagging, my bro will say he only know trouble but got who understand how much burden i carry? I shouldn't say burden i should say does anyone understand what i thinking? Did anyone try to understand me? Did anyone know how i feel?
I cannot find the purpose of living, i will make it the end. If i vanish can make everyone happy, I should do it.

End at 7.43pm
Nov 5 2010
Ronald =(